Sample Essay 1

Ideas and Analysis: Score = 1
Development and Support: Score = 1
Organization: Score = 1
Language Use and Conventions: Score = 1

Begin WRITING TEST Here.

Well Machines are good but they take people jobs like if they don’t know how to use it they get fired and they’ll find someone else and it’s more easyer with machines but sometimes they don’t need people because of this machines do there own job and there be many people that lack on there job but the intelligent machines sometimes may not work or they’ll brake easy and it’s waste of money on this machines and there really expensive to buy but they help alot at the same time it help alot but at the same time this intelligent machines work and some don’t work but many store buy them and end up broken or not working but many stores gets them and end up wasting money on this intelligent machines’ but how does it help us and the comunity because some people get fired because they do not need him because of this machines many people are losing job’s because of this machines.

Scoring Explanation

Ideas and Analysis = 1
The absence of a thesis (an idea that the argument as a whole works to explore/explain/support) has a significant impact on the quality of this response. Without one, the writer’s intentions are difficult to discern. While the writer does generate a few ideas, he does not do so in service of an argumentative purpose. For example, the notion that people’s jobs are lost as a result of new technologies could be productive, but without a connection to a larger argument, this attempt at analysis accomplishes very little.

Development and Support = 1
There are few attempts to develop the ideas in this response. Rather, the essay consists largely of repeated points and unsupported claims. Many of the problems in this essay can be attributed to its poor development. Because ideas are not explained or illustrated, their relevance to the issue at hand and to a larger argument is often unclear.

Organization = 1
This response is not organized around a central idea, and movement from one idea to the next does not follow a clear logic. While the response begins and ends with the idea that people may lose their jobs because of machines, the essay as a whole does not assume a discernable structure, due in part to the absence of grouped ideas. Transitions do not help the reader determine relationships among ideas; instead, transitional devices and phrases seem only to conjoin unrelated thoughts.

Language Use = 1
This response fails to demonstrate skill in using language to convey a written argument. Pervasive errors in usage, punctuation, and mechanics interfere with clarity. Word choice is limited and repetitious, which often impedes understanding of meaning and intent. While the reader can grasp a handful of phrases and sentiments, impaired language makes this argument difficult to comprehend.

Next—sample essay #2 . . .