Sample Essay 6

Ideas and Analysis: Score = 6
Development and Support: Score = 6
Organization: Score = 6
Language Use and Conventions: Score = 6

Begin WRITING TEST Here.

Advances in technology have become so widely accepted in today’s culture that very few people are willing to pause to consider the consequences. People get so excited about what new technologies can offer that they forget to question whether there might be any negative effects. Without caution and deliberation, replacing the natural with the mechanical would undoubtedly be disasterous.

The economic implications of the potential mechanical takeover alone should be enough to dissuade anyone from moving too fast. In the event the robots are more widely used in the workplace, humans would surely be replaced. At first, businesses would benefit from the efficiency of robots, but eventually a depressed job market would lead to a population that struggles just to feed themselves and their families, let alone purchase the products these robots make. In the long run, society will suffer if it does not take care to prevent the economic consequences of giving everything over to machines.

Our careless use of automation has already taken a toll on our culture. People have been interacting with automation in nearly every aspect of their lives, whether it be shopping, banking, or the use of a telephone. The effect of this is obvious: basic respect for our fellow man is all but absent today because of increased interaction with automation. Why treat a machine with kindness? It suffers no emotional or psychological damage. In a culture saturated with automation, we get used to treating machines rudely, and we begin to treat each other rudely. This of course leads to all sorts of issues, like intolerence and incivility, and in the long run, results in the complete degradation of culture.

Even in the face of these obstacles, some people argue that the increasing intelligence of today’s machines is a good thing. After all, machine power can decrease the human work load. Computer processers double in power and ability every year. Computers are projected to reach human intelligence by as soon as 2025. The implications of this shift are unknown, but one thing is for certain. We are moving into this change too fast to anticipate and prevent damage to the human species. We are approaching this change too quickly for any sort of safety net to be built. Because of this, it is important that we as a species slow down our technological development so that we might consider all the implications of a change this big. We must figure out how to handle negative societal and cultural consequences before we embrace total integration of automated, intelligent machines.

Decreasing the speed with which we incorporate mechanical influence is important because of the potential dangers that lurk in blind acceptance. Not only does the preference of the mechanical over the natural interfere with the job market and the economy, but its use also has the potential to seriously degrade our culture as a whole. In combination with the uncertainty surrounding the increasing intelligence of machines, it is most assuredly better for the human species that technological progress be slowed so that we can, if necessary, prevent additional damage.

Scoring Explanation

Ideas and Analysis = 6
By framing the issue as a matter of reckless technological abandon, the writer establishes an insightful context for analysis of the issue and its perspectives. This context informs a nuanced, precise thesis: Though we are inclined to welcome technological advancement with open arms, “the potential dangers that lurk in blind acceptance” necessitate “caution and deliberation” as we determine how to make use of intelligent machines. In advancing this thesis, the writer examines the economic and cultural implications of moving too quickly into the age of automation. In doing so, the writer has generated an argument that critically engages with multiple perspectives on this issue.

Development and Support = 6
An integrated line of reasoning and illustration effectively conveys the argument’s significance by exploring the economic and cultural implications of the mindless incorporation of intelligent machines. Hypothetical examples (In the event the robots are more widely used in the workplace) and skillful reasoning (The implications of this shift are unknown, but one thing is for certain. We are moving into this change too fast to anticipate and prevent damage to the human species) develop and support the thesis by drawing out and making persuasive its meaning and importance. The final body paragraph complicates the argument by conceding both the benefits of machine power and the unprecedented sophistication of modern technologies, using these concessions to reinforce the call for moderation and deliberation—as we reach new technological heights, it is even more important that we “figure out how to handle” potential unintended consequences.

Organization = 6
As with its development and support, a persistent focus on exploring the thesis benefits the organization of this response. This skillful strategy is driven by its controlling idea, which shapes the argument as it progresses logically from a discussion of future economic implications to a treatment of present-day cultural conditions to an examination of opposing viewpoints. Effective transitions between paragraphs reflect this organizing principle (The economic implications of the potential mechanical takeover; Our careless use of automation has already taken a toll on our culture; Even in the face of these obstacles, some people argue that the increasing intelligence of today’s machines is a good thing), while transitions within paragraphs serve to clarify and strengthen the writer’s reasoning (At first, but eventually, This of course, After all). All told, this strategy increases the effectiveness of the argument.

Language Use = 6
Precise vocabulary (societal and cultural consequences, intolerence and incivility, emotional or psychological damage) and a variety of clear sentence structures reflect advanced skill in the use of language. So too does the prose itself, which is largely free of errors. Of particular note are the writer’s strategic stylistic choices. Words like degrade, depressed, and damage work to establish a sense of alarm or dread, which underscores the writer’s call for consideration of the potential consequences she perceives. In the final body paragraph, the writer uses repetitive sentence constructions (We are, We are, We must) as the argument moves into its call for action. These rhetorical flourishes work to clarify the thesis and make persuasive its implications, thus enhancing the argument.