Sample Essay 2

Ideas and Analysis: Score = 2
Development and Support: Score = 2
Organization: Score = 2
Language Use and Conventions: Score = 2


Should machines be used to do good and services instead humans? I believe they should not for many reasons. Machines can not be smart unless a human is controling it. So it would not matter if its an intelligent machine or not a human is still controlling it to do everything.

When using a machine it could easily malfunction and it could be hard to fix the problem or it will just take a while to fix it. If a human is taking over instead of the machine there may be fewer problems. Machines have so many problems that it would not be worth having.

Also, the more machines you have the less jobs there are for people because everyone thinks it would be better to have machines instead of people. When less people are out of work that means less money for those people and sometimes they will lose their homes or cars because they can not afford anything.

Sometimes working with machines can be very stressful because they may not work at times or they could be running extremely slow and won’t get anything done. Machines are not smart at all, only when people are controlling them they are but not all the time. It may seem smart but its really not.

In conclusion, I think machines should not be used to take over a human job because machines can not think only humans can think and make right or wrong decisions. Machines do not have brains, their not wired to think so why have them do stuff that we can do ourselves.

Scoring Explanation

Ideas and Analysis = 2
A narrow scope inhibits the writer’s ability to explore multiple perspectives on the issue at hand. While the writer does attempt to advance a perspective, its relationship to the given perspectives on the issue is not fully clear. Rather than considering potential effects of sophisticated technologies, the writer simply generates three reasons why machines should not replace humans. These reasons are only loosely related to one another and forge only a weak connection with the given issue and its perspectives. All told, this approach reflects little clarity in thought and purpose.

Development and Support = 2
Thin, circular development fails to fully clarify the meaning and relevance of this argument. In the first body paragraph, the writer asserts that machines constantly break down and offers only an unexamined comparison between humans and machines as support—machines break down, but humans do not. In essence, this claim is repeated rather than developed. Likewise, the second body paragraph makes a reasonable but unsupported claim, and the third body paragraph repeats the writer’s first reason before returning to an idea presented in the introduction. As a result, weak ideas and analysis are not strengthened by way of development and support.

Organization = 2
Paragraphing reveals an attempt to provide an essay structure, but the paragraphs do not consistently group ideas. The opening paragraph raises a point that could serve as a controlling idea (machines are not intelligent; intelligent humans control them), but this point is ignored until it appears later in the paper when the writer recasts it as a reason why machines cause stress. The final body paragraph addresses two seemingly unrelated ideas without establishing a clear relationship between them. While the writer uses transitions to help move the reader through the response, these transitions do not succeed in connecting ideas.

Language Use = 2
Imprecise word choice and unclear sentence structures sometimes impede understanding (e.g., When less people are out of work that means less money for those people; Machines can not be smart unless a human is controlling it. So it would not matter if its an intelligent machine). Additionally, basic usage errors pose a distraction for the reader. On balance, the response reveals inconsistent language control and a weak ability to convey ideas in an argumentative essay.

Next—sample essay #3 . . .